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This is what we used to do. Back in the days when pop stars were celebrities and would gladly offer their opinions on everything from cardigans to the imminent collapse of western civilisation, we'd drag them off their pedestals and into a reviewing room.
Confronting them with a record player and a whole bunch of the latest releases, we'd play them and demand an immediate opinion. Without identifying the bands, sneaks that we were.
Still are, actually. Since Elvis Costello once let slip that he affectionately remembered the feature, we invited him to lock his hearing tackle around this week's singles. And, being as sneaky as ever, we also threw in a random selection of LP tracks.
Just to keep him on his toes, you understand…
DR FEELGOOD: "Waiting For Saturday Night" (Liberty).
It serves you right if you missed the great "Case Of The Shakes" singles. Now, Dr Feelgood, Britain's best R'n'B group are back with a new guitarist and, it sounds like, Vic Maile at the board. But please, fellas, no more songs about Saturday night.
SIMPLE MINDS: "Sweat In Bullet" (Virgin).
Is it Japan? It's got all the right modern sounds. Very wet in more than one sense.
FUN BOY THREE: "The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum" (Chrysalis).
Strange that the Fun Boy Three should make such a conscious follow-up to "Ghost Town" if they are escaping the Specials, but an admirable statement, excellently produced by Dave Jordan, I believe (make mine a large one, Dave). Neville and Lynval make like the Volga Boatmen and Terry is all his deadpan best.
I anxiously await the next bulletin from Crazy Jerry and the second best rhythm section in England (just kidding …). Meanwhile, this is a hit.
THE GO-GO's "We Got The Beat" (IRS).
This is the Go-Go's — weak-kneed LA new wave, about as tough as the Cars. Being girls is not enough. At least "Our Lips Are Sealed" sported a decent hook.
MEAT LOAF: "Dead Ringer For Love" (Epic).
This has to be Meat Loaf, this has to be dreadful — sorry, I can't share the joke. Everything sounds speeded up, to make it sound more urgent, or then again to get it over with a bit quicker.
JOHN FOXX: "Dancing Like A Gun" (Virgin).
Is it Japan? No, it's the HeeBeeGeeBees doing David Bowie.
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