I’d like to thank everyone at the Elvis Costello Fan’s site, and especially the Spookys for making this event possible. Never in the history of cyberspace have so few worked so hard to stimulate the pop interests of such an ungrateful few. Good work, You! You’ll never get a dime out of me!
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Can I have a dollar?
Well, I’m here to give out the Special Awards. These awards will go forth every year to those frequent posters who are very “special”. Of course, every one here is “special”, so these awards are the special “Special” ones.
Of course, the number one poster is the cop on the beat, Blue Chair. No matter what the clatter is, he’s right there with a witty retort or mindless axiom to calm the cacophony. How about a big hand for our Royal Mounted Man in Blue?
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THUG!
Then there’s the only other member of the 2000+ club, Mr. Laughing Crow. Jesus Christ. 2000+ posts. King Laughingbird the First. I just got one question...
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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!!!!
Hey, how about this new kid wehitandrun? When I put myself in jail for a while this past year, he stepped in and racked up a tremendous amount of posts in a very short amount of time. It a tremendous feat of typing not seen since the days of (shall I say it?), the striped snake?
(I must now apologize to the entire board, as I really should have been there to slap the shit out of him. But, it’s too late now, he’s a co-opted hero, the only member to be cyber-incarcerated by the board authorities. I guess he called someone a Nazi.)
Note to WHAR:
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Get a life!
I gotta say hi to my buddy Mr. NoiseRadio. Nobody keeps The Dog in line quicker and faster than our own Elvis Costello raider Mr. Noise. I’d say I opened about 95% of those NR1000+ posts with the tepid dread of getting my ass kicked. Idealogical differences are a serious bitch that needs to be sorted out. Here’s the good news, though: I’m convinced it’s all genetic. Tell Margaret Mead I said to shut the fuck up!
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Without a valid accounting of the present, history hasn’t a hope of being trusted.
I must now mention in unison our British 1000+ posters, Otis Westinghouse, Bambooneedle, and the newly anointed Mr. John Foyle. I know Bamboo is Australian, but I’m an American, so, if you speak with a funny accent I will lump you in with other, similar people with similar accents, and labeled as such for simplification and future reference. It’s the Law. We do that because we are the Special Kind of Evil that is also Stupid. You have everything to fear. I love you guys. Otis is always a pleasant read, a gentle sort, and Bamboo is such a vibrant thinker. Mr. Foyle has taken it upon himself to inform us of every Elvis mention and movement. How could you not love these guys?
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Take me with you! Please!
Anyway, I want to get shout out to my country cousins, Mood Swung and Spooky Girlfriend. Maybe some day we can head out to the woods and get a tick or something.
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Just kidding...
It’s now time to give out the Truly Special Award, the first ever. I should get it, but it takes someone truly special to give out the Truly Special Award. Ladies and Gentlemen, the first annual Truly Special Award goes to…Bobster! Yay! From his deep, anecdotal critical reviews, to his clever, spot on political commentary, Mr. Bob has continually delivered quality posts on a regular schedule. Everything he writes is wrapped in the air of a mysterious, in-the-loop authenticity. He makes me long for those smoggy skies, and the youth I wasted there.
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God loves ya, Bob, even if He doesn't exist.
Now shut up.
I’m just going to stand here now until the thought police figure it out, and come haul me away.
Be sure to visit me at http://www.geocities.com/aropeleash for more madness. New updates include Slobman II and a fresh blog. Chapter Two is now available for anyone making a study of it.